


The Black Paladin

by TruebornAlpha



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Black Paladin Keith (Voltron), Canon Compliant, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Gen, M/M, Self-Doubt, Shiro (Voltron)-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 20:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11744355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TruebornAlpha/pseuds/TruebornAlpha
Summary: Set after Season 3.Shiro comes to the realization that his position in Voltron is replaceable.





	The Black Paladin

Shiro stood on the bridge of the Castleship, hands clenched as he watched the battle unfolding on the viewscreen. Streaks of bright colored energy shot across space: deep violet, red, blue, green, yellow. They chased the swarming Galra fighter ships as explosions bloomed against the blackness of space. Those were his friends out there, risking their lives in battle, and he was  _here_ , forced to watch.

“Hunk, you’ve picked up a tail.” He called out, watching the fighters scream past.

“I’ve got it, buddy.” It was strange hearing Lance’s voice from the red lion as it blasted through the battle, too quick to catch. He whooped as he fired on the Galra ships, blowing them to pieces. “You’re good to go, Hunk.”

“Lance, you broke formation!” Keith’s voice snapped over the comm system. “Hunk can handle it. Get back to your position, we’ve got fighters breaking through.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m on it.”

Shiro sighed as Lance scrambled back into position. They were so close, Lotor’s ship orbited a watery world below them and they still didn’t know his plan. If they could stop Lotor here, then they could cripple the Galra and keep him from reclaiming the worlds they’d already freed. At least, that was Keith’s plan. Shiro worried more about Lotor’s end game. He was always two steps ahead and smart enough to get away with it. If they didn’t figure this out soon, they’d all be in trouble.

They were almost there. A few minutes longer, and they’d finally be on top of him, bringing this game of cat and mouse to the end they’d all been waiting for. The lions were tearing away at Lotor’s guard, faster and more vicious than they’d ever been with victory so close. It was almost over.

The Yellow Lion’s communicator flashed. “Guys, did you see that? What was-?”

“Something detached from Lotor’s flagship,” Allura replied quickly. “I can’t get a lock on it. Pidge, Coran, what do you see?”

A bone-grinding explosion echoed through her feed, and Allura grunted, her attention immediately cut in half, but Pidge was already chasing after the piece.

Shiro squinted at the screen, wishing for the thousandth time that he was closer. “Coran, what is that thing?”

“I can’t tell, but it has an enormous power reading. And it’s heading right for the planet!” Coran yelped.

“Team, listen up.” Shiro said over the comm system. “This might be our only chance. We need to get that thing intact, if we can figure out what it is, then we might be able to piece together what Lotor is doing.”

“We don’t have time!” Keith’s voice came back sharply. “We have to destroy it before it gets to the planet. It’s got to be a weapon to distract us from getting to Lotor, so he can escape. Hunk, I need you to try and slow its descent. Pidge, see if you can scan it for weak points.”

“Keith, this might be our best chance at stopping him! Even if we can’t catch him here, if we dismantle his plan and figure out what his end goal is, then we can stop him before he hurts anyone else. If we blow it up, then we’re playing right into his hands. This is a trap!”

“We don’t have a choice, Shiro. If you’re wrong, and this is a weapon, then the people on the planet are in trouble. There’s no time, we’re blowing this thing up.”

There was a brief pause, like Keith was expecting another rebuttal. Then he turned to the rest of his team, his mind made and with no time left for indecision. “Lance, Allura, keep them covered. Hunk, go!”

There was a roar of agreement. Shiro watched with his beating heart pounding in his throat, but as it progressed, it settled in his belly like a stone.

“Guys it’s going nuclear! It’s gonna blow!” Pidge yelled. Shiro watched as Lotor’s ship disappeared completely from their radar.

“Great just great!” Hunk groaned, beads of sweat dripping down his brow as the Yellow Lion struggled to slow the weapon’s descent. Keith had always been light on his feet.

“Hunk let it go. We need to form Voltron!”

Shiro’s hands balled into fists as he watched a blur of white and black fill the void. The last of the Galra fleet were being batted away, nothing more than nuisances in the face of Voltron’s might, but Keith’s target was clear. Shiro didn’t need to see how it would play out. As a triumphant cheer filled their speakers, he turned away.

 

* * *

 

The stars were still beautiful, even if they weren’t any of the ones he’d known. They’d come farther than any human had ever explored, they were the first people to see these stars at all. The thought was wonderful and sad all at the same time. Shiro crossed his arms and looked out the observation deck. Most of the team avoided this room, too preoccupied with their missions or each other to intrude. It was his favorite place to come and think.

But he wasn’t the only one who’d chosen this spot.

“Shiro?” As soon as the door slid opened behind him, he knew who’d be standing there. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Sorry, I was just going over some of the logs.” Shiro lied smoothly and turned with a smile. “Good job out there, you guys were impressive. I’m really proud of you.”

Keith shifted awkwardly, unsure of how to handle the praise. “We just got lucky. We still didn’t catch Lotor and we had to destroy his weapon. We’re back at square one again.”

“You made the right decision and you saved everyone on the planet. That’s exactly what Voltron is supposed to do.” He put an arm on Keith’s shoulder, trying to ignore how his friend flinched away. “You need to stop doubting yourself.”

Or maybe Keith needed to stop surrounding himself with people who doubted him.

This wasn’t the first time they’d held the entire team hostage through an argument, and each one was more vicious, more intense than the last. Even though Keith pushed back, Keith wasn’t the one who dug his heels in first. Shiro knew he was being intentionally stubborn, but every time it felt like the right reason. He needed to prove his point, and there was no one who wanted to see the mission to succeed like he did.

Except that wasn’t fair, and that wasn’t entirely right. 

Afterwards, Keith looked at him with those same tired eyes, and Shiro wondered how long Keith could ignore the truth. How long could Keith ignore how badly Shiro performed, or how long until Keith accepted it. Keith wasn’t oblivious, just loyal to a fault. Shiro’d known for a long time that he didn’t deserve that loyalty.

The writing was on the wall. No matter how badly Shiro  _wanted_ , he was failing, and mission after mission piled against him. Voltron’s wins weren’t meant to be Keith’s wins, or any single person. They couldn’t function like that, but Shiro kept track anyway. In the quiet of his mind, he no longer had an excuse. It was bad enough that Shiro couldn’t pull his own weight, but he was dragging his team, his  _best friend,_ down, too.

Keith was building himself up to something, his brows furrowed in concentration before he said, “I do want to catch Lotor.”

It wasn’t fair that Shiro could read him so well.

“I know you do. We all see it. You’re doing a great job for the team.” Shiro cut him off smoothly, praise sincere but a weapon no less. It was still the easiest way to keep Keith off-kilter. The less Keith asked, the better. “We’ll get him next time.”

“Yeah.” Keith’s shoulders slumped a little and Shiro hated that it felt like a win. He wanted Keith to succeed, he always had. Keith had been raw talent and potential, too impatient to turn it into something that actually mattered. Working with him had been the foundation of their friendship. Shiro had offered him mentorship and guidance, slowing opening up until they cared about each other. Until they were friends, more than friends. This was everything he’d ever wanted for Keith.

He just didn’t know it would hurt so much.

Shiro had always seen himself as standing shoulder to shoulder with his team, but they’d surpassed him. Keith might still need more experience being a leader, but he had his own vision that clearly slashed with Shiro’s, and they couldn’t keep fighting like this if they ever expected to win. It was obvious who was going to lead in the end, the Black Lion had made that clear. Keith was going to succeed beyond all of Shiro’s hopes, but what about his own dreams?

“Are you okay?” Keith was still so worried about him and Shiro felt worse, even as he turned with a smile.

“Sure. We just need to work on improving your connections with Black, and you’ll be able to unlock all of her powers.”

Keith just looked uncomfortable, glancing away. “I guess. I need to work harder if I’m going to figure out what Lotor’s doing and how to stop him.”

“That’s why you have a team, Keith. You’re not doing this alone.”

Keith looked up at him with his sharp eyes, a world of meaning behind them.

“You’re not alone in this either.”

Shiro squeezed his shoulder but didn’t contradict him. After all this time, he still couldn’t stand the thought of letting Keith down. He left Keith alone, giving up his position by the stars with little more than a goodbye. 

He let his feet carry him, away from the noise of a mission gone right, away from well-meaning concern that grew more perfunctory every time. When he found himself in front of the Black Lion’s hanger, there was a quiet moment of desperate hope, but she remained as quiet as ever. Shiro was the only one who wanted him here. He was too stubborn and too stupid to know when to give up. 

A long time ago, that used to be a compliment.

The hanger still opened for him. It brought a sharp pang of relief that was quickly followed by frustration. Shiro really had fallen far if this was what counted as success.

She was still so beautiful and just as untouchable as the stars, silently waiting for her Paladin to bring her to life. Shiro remembered the first time he’d connected with whatever it was that powered her, something that went beyond just machinery. He’d closed his eyes and trusted her, bonding on a level he couldn’t understand as they plummeted towards the earth. They’d flown so many missions together, she’d saved his life time and again. He’d struggled so hard to keep her safe from Zarkon’s grasp as he tried to wrest control away from him and in the end, she’d unlocked her true power to defeat Zarkon.

But now, she refused to even acknowledge Shiro. Just another thing that had replaced him.

“Was this your plan?” He asked the sleeping lion.

“I did  _everything_  to help them, I put everything I had into this when all I wanted to do was go home. I stayed to fight after what they did to me, but now I’m nothing? Did I just… stop being useful?” Shiro’s ragged voice broke, his hands curling into fists. “Am I too broken, is that it? Am I too much of a monster for you now?”

An ugly flare of bitterness welled up in his chest, pressing against his ribs until it hurt to breathe. “I did everything you asked me to. I went farther, I went faster than all of them. I did everything I was supposed to! What do you want from me?”

The rise in pitch sharpened with every step forward, but the Black Lion only seemed to grow taller, colder in her indifference than ever before. Shiro was breathing hard, the taste of bile creeping up the back of his throat. Any moment now, the door would open and someone would find him, if someone wasn’t already listening, and part of Shiro was excited. Let them see. Let it end. If he couldn’t win then let him stop fighting.

“He hurt us both, but I never gave up on you! You gave up on me.”

He was close enough to reach out now, close enough to feel cool metal against his skin, but heat prickled behind his eyes, blurring his vision as Shiro struggled to breathe.

“Why am I not good enough?”

_Do you really think a monster like you could be a Voltron Paladin?_

Sendak’s words seemed to echo inside of him and Shiro doubled over as if struck. He pressed his hands against the sides of his head, trying to keep the voice out. He couldn’t breathe, iron bands tightening around his chest and room spinning beneath his feet. A monster. He really was a monster.

They’d turned him into something that wasn’t even human anymore. No matter how hard he fought to escape, they’d ruined him. He was too broken for Black now, too tainted, too weak. The Galra had ruined him and even the lion agreed.

“What am I supposed to do now?” He yelled at the lion, voice echoing around the hanger bay. “I can’t lead my team, I can’t fight the Galra. I was that easy to fucking replace, so now what?” The Black Lion didn’t answer, no light flickered in her eyes and Shiro sank down to the floor. The Galra might have ruined him and taken away almost everything he’d ever had, but it wasn’t until his lion rejected him that he’d lost hope too.

But he waited.

He waited, and he would keep waiting, just as he would keep trying, because Shiro didn’t know how to do anything else. Home was too far away, and Shiro wasn’t sure he belonged there anymore. So he would wait, and he would try, and if hope came back in whispers and threads, he would give it the most merciful death he could manage.

He pulled himself to his feet and turned to go, ignoring the weight on his shoulders and the stones that bound his feet, but he stopped before he could turn his back completely.

“Take care of Keith.” He whispered in the quiet room. “We can’t both let him down.”

**Author's Note:**

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> 
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